i Drawed This On My iPhone #6

Deviant behavior.

i Drawed This On My iPhone #5

No explanation necessary.

i Drawed This On My iPhone #4

He didn't stay out in the sun; he's filled with red cream soda! Delicious!

i Drawed This On My iPhone #3

This person has psychic abilities. They allow him to astrally project the flavor of the color orange. Delicious!

i Drawed This On My iPhone #2

There is a part of me that thinks this is a drawing of a part of me that isn't me-- a different me inside of me.

i Drawed This On My iPhone #1

There's a nifty little program called Sketchbook Mobile Express that was recently released for the iPhone platform. As the perceptive reader may have guessed, this is a scaled down version of the popular Sketchbook application from the whiz kids over at Autodesk. As a personal fan of the product, I was excited to give Sketchbook Mobile X a whirl. I only had one minor hesitation--

--drawing on the iPhone sucks.

The reason that drawing on an iPhone sucks so many kinds of cheese is pretty simple really, thanks to the unique sensory technology the iPhone touch screen employs. Because of the special capacitive materials at work underneath the glass, input is not registered from a stylus, a glove or a carving knife but rather that of the human hand, or more specifically, a fingertip.
In other words, the only way (with a few minor exceptions) you're going to be doing any drawing on the iPhone is by finger painting. Like in Kindergarten, only far more frustrating because your canvas is smaller and you don't have all those wonderful colors on your hands and face when you're finished (the most important part of finger painting).

So would Sketchbook Mobile X be worth my time? Would I come to embrace this micro art tool as a crucial component of my on-the-go creative endeavors or would I hurl my iPhone at the wall, dashing it to pieces in a fit of desperate rage befitting the emotional imbalance of the great artists that had come before me? There was only one way to find out: test the product by drawing pictures. With my finger. Behold an early attempt:



I call this one Sanitarium de la Crofforde, a strenuous examination of the human psyche in times of famine and war. It's a difficult piece, wrought with emotion and tears, but mostly it's got some blue and pink in it to make it pretty.

As I continue to experiment with drawing on the iPhone with my finger I will post my findings here. You may desire to unleash the critic within to eviscerate these tiny masterpieces, but I reserve the right to think your opinions are full of detritus and poo. Of course, I'd much rather you'd share your own iPhone art with me, mainly so that I might attempt to obfuscate you with my nonsensical readings of your work.

Self-Explanatory

More Beaver madness here.

Neat! Look at him dance!

I'd like to introduce you to the Wizard of Oz if the Scarecrow had been watching Silence of the Lambs and decided to wear your face like a mask. Thanks, Scarecrow! You sure scared us!

Seaman Retrospective

I owned a Sega Dreamcast. It was a video game console with some very bizarre games.

Including the incredible SEAMAN.

Seaman has you, the player, raising the titular Seaman, a creature that combines the body of a freshwater sturgeon with the face of Japanese video game programer. In addition to the fact that you are rearing a fish with a human head, the game is unique in that included a microphone peripheral that allowed you to communicate with Seaman who would regularly throw barbed insults into you face and berate you for a general lack of personal hygiene. This posed an interesting moral dilemma: would you, the video game player, continue to feed and care for Seaman after his regular verbal abuse? Would the emotional trauma you had endured by his fin push you to cranking the thermostat in Seaman's tank to unbearable levels, potentially killing said Seaman? And what sort of conflicted feelings would one uncover the next morning upon discovery of Seaman's lifeless husk floating at the top of the aquarium?

Luckily, these moral conundrums are in part avertable thanks to Leonard Nimoy who acts as mentor and guide in the wonderful world of Seaman. Knowing the limitations of the natural man inside all of us, Mr. Nimoy instructs us in the proper care of Seaman, including regular counseling for the psychological health of the player. Mr. Nimoy's sagely wisdom inspires and motivates us to action while the cooling effect of his otherworldly voice soothes and reassures the player in moments of keen Seaman distress. In other words, Leonard Nimoy is a god among men.

I like Seaman. Often times I lie awake in bed with my arms crossed behind head looking up at the stars dreamily (I sleep in the woods like all strong men are want to do) and reminiscing of Seaman and the many lessons we learned together. Seaman was good to me and I was good to him. And therefore, as the wise man said, I can sleep in peace.

SHOCK! FLASH! DISNEY BUYS MARVEL!

In crazy "I-didn't-see-this-one-coming" news today, the Disney empire has finalized negotiations with Marvel Entertainment to buy the comic giant wholesale. The move is one more step in Disney's ultimate plan to take over the entertainment world as we know it and eventually assume command of the remaining governments and social institutions of the known Universe. Consumers are expected to pay a quarter earnings tithe and surrender their first-born children once said usurpation is completed.

Maybe we'll get to see a Disney/Marvel theme park mash-up! Kewl!

For the official press release click here.

Seeing as everyone loves a good list...

Slowly but surely I have been compiling a list of my favorite films as well as the movies that have had the greatest impact-- artistically, emotionally and otherwise-- on my life. What began as a compilation of about a hundred films has since swollen to around three-hundred, and there are likely to be more (although I'm sure to eventually install a cap of some sort in order to prevent the kind of unwieldy bloat that has me including films I only think I like or feel obligated to include).

The reasons for such a list are both cathartic and practical, allowing me at once to organize a compendium of influential filmic material that I might share with others and construct a definitive personal collection to prevent my own movie library from getting significantly out of hand. Sure, I remember enjoying such-and-such blockbuster when it was released theatrically, but does it warrant the finality of purchase and display on the shelf at home? Will I watch it again and again? Probably not. Also, as new movies become favorites, it may be required that they supplant older selections, thus ensuring I take a long, hard look at my choices and regularly weed the garden for a more perfect treasury.

I plan on sharing chunks of my list as time goes on, exposing my startlingly contradictory inner-self to all the world by including Paul Flaherty's Clifford alongside Akira Kurosawa's Rashamon. Stay tuned, gentle-folks!

Darn shuck it! I need me some role models!

I need new role models. I used to have a few role-models, but I can't find them anymore and I have this inkling that I may have left them on the counter at the laundromat the friday before last. Annoying yes, but it isn't the end of the world. I'm sure whoever found my role models has put them to good use. That being said, I'm still a little frustrated they never called considering I had scrawled my contact information on their smoking jackets. There used to be a day and age when you'd drop twenty-five cents on a jaunt through the park and some good soul would catch you to return the quarter, let alone a role model. Nowadays such consideration is a figment of the past.

I'll be on the lookout for role models this week. If you have any suggestions, please let me know.

New Book

I'm now reading John Updike's Rabbit novels, beginning with Rabbit, Run. This is my first introduction to Updike, so I'm enthusiastic about what I may discover within the book's pages. The Rabbit novels are well-known and critically beloved, so it seems likely that my findings will prove positive. Of course, I didn't care for Harry Potter (not that they are necessarily comparable points of literature).

The Roth Stuff

Having just finished Cormac McCarthy's No Country for Old Men (and prior to that Blood Meridian), I've decided upon a literary change of pace: Philip Roth's Zuckerman trilogy beginning with The Ghost Writer.

I'm currently only forty or so pages into The Ghost Writer but so far I've enjoyed what I have read; Roth has tenacious wit and I'll often catch myself smiling at his clever character observations. This is my first foray into the wonderful world of Roth and it seems his work only gets better from here. If these first pages are any indication, it looks like I'm in for a treat.

more things on a desk

Right now, the following things are on my desk:

Blood Diamond (FS)
This is a fullscreen copy of the Edward Zwick film Blood Diamond starring the venerable Leonardo DiCaprio, classy Jennifer Connelly, terrific Djimon Hounsou and the never-able-to-live-down-The-Mummy Arnold Vosloo. Michael Sheen is also in it-- a great actor who sadly might best be recognized as some sort of werewolf from the Underworld franchise.
Truth be told, I haven't seen Blood Diamond. I picked it up for the sweet, low cost of two dollars (along with several other movies) but upon return to my apartment I was chagrined to discover it be a fullscreen edition. I hate fullscreen. Feel free to insert another incendiary remark if you'd like. I don't think I'll ever watch this.

"A Charlie Brown Christmas"
Absolutely indispensable holiday music from the late, great Vince Guaraldi. The Peanuts gang of characters and stories were fantastic by themselves, but when coupled together with the sweet piano jazz of Guaraldi the result was instant alchemy. At once mournful and full of life, "A Charlie Brown Christmas" reminds us that the true meaning of season is discovered in the simplistic, unassuming treasures we've all been given.

On The Road Again.

I just purchased an audiobook of Cormac McCarthy's The Road on iTunes. Normally I don't do the audiobook thang, but the siren call of a $4.95 auditory Road experience beckoned me hither and my obsession knows no bounds. It's really is a great book and it probably won't be the last time I purchase it in some form or another. I still need that hardcover edition.

things on a desk

Right now, the following items are on my desk:

A Box of Marshmallow Peeps
Peeps Marshmallow Bunnies to be exact. Their color is yellow and they mock me with their promises of gentle springtime dreams and plush, airy sweetness. But I know their secrets. I know that within their sticky centers nothing but sickness and disillusionment await. A million wishes dashed to pieces with one trusting taste. Damn you, Marshmallow Peeps. Damn you.

The Road by Cormac McCarthy
Probably one of my favorite books in recent memory. If you haven't yet read this modern classic, I'll resist the urge to scold you publicly and instead advise you to make your way posthaste to the book seller of your choosing-- fourteen dollars and ninety-five cents ready in outstretched hand-- to purchase this outstanding achievement in poetic storytelling.

Pilot Drawing Pen
A cruel reminder of my steadily stagnating drawing efforts. It lies ready and waiting whilst I fritter away my free moments with trite Internet flotsam and garish Youtube manias. It'd be easy to hide away this sweet instrument of creation but I choose to leave it in the open-- an ever-present apparition of guilt that will hopefully urge me to action once again some day in the future.

Resolutions 2009: Literature

It's Day One of a new month and that's why it's time for:

RESOLUTIONS 2009!

I used to read frequently. I'd visit the local library every week and return home with a stack of interesting books. This habitual reading, however, has trickled down to almost nothing-- something I mean to correct.

Resolution #1:

Read an acclaimed novel every month (this would include classic works of fiction, pulitzer prize winners, nobel prize winners, etc.)

The book that I've chosen to initiate this hearty resolve is Cormac McCarthy's harrowing tale of the wild west, Blood Meridian. I've just recently finished McCarthy's award-winning The Road (a movie adaptation of which hits later this year) and I'm now ready to read everything else by this author.

Those interested are free to read along. We can pretend it's a game! Points will be tallied on on Tuesday, March 31st.

Oscar Predictions

The Reader wins everything except for costume design. Boiled Ham takes costume design.

Watch This.

Watch this please.

The Movies I Liked, 2008 Edition

In case you were wondering (and there is no reason you wouldn't), here are my top films of the year two-thousand and eight, in no particular order (or at least no order recognized by the good state of Missouri):

Slumdog Millionaire
The Dark Knight
WALL-E
Iron Man
Synecdoche, New York
Hellboy 2: The Golden Army
Burn After Reading
Doubt
The Visitor
The Fall
Let the Right One In
Frost/Nixon
Cloverfield
American Teen (I missed this one at Sundance)

Tthere were fourteen movies in that list. You won't find many lists with fourteen films on them. I'm just the kind of person to do that. It drives people mad.

Footnote: This list is subject to revisions. I have a poor memory, and like many of the great fascist regimes of our times, history-- even that of film-- is subject to much revision.

Footnote #2: I intent to give discourse on each of these films. And like many of my promises, expect me to forget.

Footnote #3: I really didn't have anything valuable to share. It just felt as if we were lacking an attractive third footnote.

Hypothesis: Blog

I was just reminded that I haven't updated Night of the Blog in almost a year.

I have a confession to make. It was all a part of an elaborate social experiment. The test: could I go an entire year without updating the Night of the Blog brand blog? Conclusion: utter and abject failure.

I can only hope that future generations are able to glean considerable learning from my experiment. Be thankful, generations of the future; you have been given much.