Self-Explanatory

More Beaver madness here.

Seeing as everyone loves a good list...

Slowly but surely I have been compiling a list of my favorite films as well as the movies that have had the greatest impact-- artistically, emotionally and otherwise-- on my life. What began as a compilation of about a hundred films has since swollen to around three-hundred, and there are likely to be more (although I'm sure to eventually install a cap of some sort in order to prevent the kind of unwieldy bloat that has me including films I only think I like or feel obligated to include).

The reasons for such a list are both cathartic and practical, allowing me at once to organize a compendium of influential filmic material that I might share with others and construct a definitive personal collection to prevent my own movie library from getting significantly out of hand. Sure, I remember enjoying such-and-such blockbuster when it was released theatrically, but does it warrant the finality of purchase and display on the shelf at home? Will I watch it again and again? Probably not. Also, as new movies become favorites, it may be required that they supplant older selections, thus ensuring I take a long, hard look at my choices and regularly weed the garden for a more perfect treasury.

I plan on sharing chunks of my list as time goes on, exposing my startlingly contradictory inner-self to all the world by including Paul Flaherty's Clifford alongside Akira Kurosawa's Rashamon. Stay tuned, gentle-folks!

more things on a desk

Right now, the following things are on my desk:

Blood Diamond (FS)
This is a fullscreen copy of the Edward Zwick film Blood Diamond starring the venerable Leonardo DiCaprio, classy Jennifer Connelly, terrific Djimon Hounsou and the never-able-to-live-down-The-Mummy Arnold Vosloo. Michael Sheen is also in it-- a great actor who sadly might best be recognized as some sort of werewolf from the Underworld franchise.
Truth be told, I haven't seen Blood Diamond. I picked it up for the sweet, low cost of two dollars (along with several other movies) but upon return to my apartment I was chagrined to discover it be a fullscreen edition. I hate fullscreen. Feel free to insert another incendiary remark if you'd like. I don't think I'll ever watch this.

"A Charlie Brown Christmas"
Absolutely indispensable holiday music from the late, great Vince Guaraldi. The Peanuts gang of characters and stories were fantastic by themselves, but when coupled together with the sweet piano jazz of Guaraldi the result was instant alchemy. At once mournful and full of life, "A Charlie Brown Christmas" reminds us that the true meaning of season is discovered in the simplistic, unassuming treasures we've all been given.

Oscar Predictions

The Reader wins everything except for costume design. Boiled Ham takes costume design.

The Movies I Liked, 2008 Edition

In case you were wondering (and there is no reason you wouldn't), here are my top films of the year two-thousand and eight, in no particular order (or at least no order recognized by the good state of Missouri):

Slumdog Millionaire
The Dark Knight
WALL-E
Iron Man
Synecdoche, New York
Hellboy 2: The Golden Army
Burn After Reading
Doubt
The Visitor
The Fall
Let the Right One In
Frost/Nixon
Cloverfield
American Teen (I missed this one at Sundance)

Tthere were fourteen movies in that list. You won't find many lists with fourteen films on them. I'm just the kind of person to do that. It drives people mad.

Footnote: This list is subject to revisions. I have a poor memory, and like many of the great fascist regimes of our times, history-- even that of film-- is subject to much revision.

Footnote #2: I intent to give discourse on each of these films. And like many of my promises, expect me to forget.

Footnote #3: I really didn't have anything valuable to share. It just felt as if we were lacking an attractive third footnote.

10,000 BC: a review for your personal exploitation

10,000 BC is a delightfully subversive indie rom-com about a drug-addled caveman and his wild quest for true love.

Scratch that. 10,000 BC is a bowl of crap.

Footnote: I loved it.


An explanation is in order. Several years ago I discovered I have a rare and difficult to cure illness-- that being the seemingly mad consumption and enjoyment of bad Hollywood movies. 10,000 BC feeds this disease with great doses of horrendous movie-making, effectively satiating my hunger for another week when the next batch of trunch hits projectors like a fury of locusts.

The movie is indeed about a caveman (played by Steven Strait, the main dude from The Covenant-- another gloriously retarded movie), only slightly more groomed than those good men of the Geico and sporting whiter teeth. After caveman's girl(Camilla Belle) is taken, he ventures out into the great unknown with Cliff Curtis to outrun massive, prehistoric dodos, make friends with at least three different African tribes and defeat an albino Marlon Brando straight out of The Island of Dr. Moreau. That not enough for you? There is also Battlecat from He-man, Xerxes' voice and a tall Deep Roy or Deep Roy's taller brother.

Do the math (by addition) and what do you get?. Magnificence. The point is, if you too suffer from secret-terrible-movie-lover-itis, you will find great delights hidden within 10,000 BC and its many mentally askew elements. It is at once a bonkers terror-show and a transcendent rush of slightly chilled arctic waters. It is both parts of the oreo, if both parts were made of octupus insides. It is non-sequiter and brilliant. It is 10,000 BC.

The Watchmen cast revealed! Nerds rejoice!

Comic connoisseurs the world over have known for years that Alan Moore's The Watchmen is one of the greatest (if not the greatest) graphic novels of our time. It's dissection of the modern superhero, clever criticism of the genre and keen (and fatalistic at times) exploration of topical social-political circumstances made it an instant classic, and one finally up for a motion picture adaptation.

The movie is being directed by Zach Snyder who most recently brought us the estrogen-charged romantic comedy 300, starring the dainty and effete Gerard Butler in the leading role. Before that, Snyder terrified Zombie lovers everywhere with a remake of Dawn of the Dead, a film I haven't seen but have heard from numerous sources to be quite charming. Zombies for tea! How delightful!

But I digress. Since the announcement of The Watchmen, nerds everywhere have been clamoring for a look at the cast in full costume, a fervent prayer Zach and crew finally answered earlier today. We'd already caught glimpses of Rorschach, the slightly unbalanced ink-blot wearing member of the group, but here we get to see the remainder of the gang, with the notable exception of Dr. Manhattan, the exceptionally powerful blue guy who spends a lot of time on mars. Trust me, it all makes sense... to a shut-in like me.

The disturbed looking chappy above is The Comedian, a pleasant fellow indeed. Head on over to the official Watchmen movie website here to check out the rest of the pictures and pick up a copy of the graphic novel to catch up on all the dysfunctional superhero goodness.

DVD Recommendations 3/3/08

Hey there, loyal readers (haha!), it is time for another DVD recommendation (haven't there been so many already?).

This week's recommendation comes courtesy of Warner Premiere: it's the DC Universe animated original movie, Justice League: The New Frontier, based on the Darwyn Cooke graphic novel of the same name (well, similar name; the book was called DC: The New Frontier).

I read the Cooke book (I just got far too much pleasure out of that rhyme than I really should have) a few years ago and it has been one of my very favorites ever since. Not only is the art style right up my alley with it's retro, art deco feeling, but the storytelling really shines with an alternate history retelling of the time period closely following the Korean war.

Just like the graphic novel, The New Frontier focuses mostly on Justice League members Green Lantern and the Martian Manhunter (who happens to be one of my favorite DC Universe characters). Problems arise, however, when the animated film begins to feel a little loose and disjointed-- hardly allowing enough time for each of the characters, especially some of the lesser ones, to really stand out. The movie also fails in many respects to fully explore much of the social-economic and geo-political strife at the time, instead opting to only briefly reference these disturbances in passing. It may have worked better in the comic, where I could dwell on each frame, giving them all the time I needed to reflect on their significance, whereas in the DVD things felt rushed in order to compliment the seventy-five minute running time.

Things I did like: Jeremy Sisto as Batman. His confrontation of J'onn J'onzz is incredibly cool.

That being said, Justice League: The New Frontier is an enjoyable picture, especially for fans of the characters and Darwyn Cooke's work. Despite being somewhat disappointed, I will agree with others that there are still moments of brilliance in The New Frontier and I recommend it to comic book lovers everywhere.

AdVANTAGE: POINT -- Movie Review

Friday night I saw what just might be the best movie of 2008: Vantage Point.

What is Vantage Point you might ask? It is the directorial debut of television auteur Pete Travis who brought us-- what else-- television show episodes. Travis clearly honed his skills on the small screen because Vantage Point delivers up compelling, up close and personal drama in figurative spades.

Vantage Point is a taut political thriller that takes major risks. Told through multiple perspectives, the film centers itself around an attempted assassination of the American President, played wonderfully by Tom Skerritt. Where Vantage Point differs from similar cinematic offerings is in it's poignant and topical conclusion when the villains, a group of ambiguous Spanish terrorists, receive their comeuppance at the hands of a wayward little girl in search of her possibly exploded mother. The terrorists, having single handed annihilated hundred of U.S. government secret service officers, try to avoid hitting the girl with their stolen ambulance (an obvious geopolitical allegory) and roll the vehicle multiple times, killing it's evil occupants. The president, however, emerges the twisted wreckage unscathed (possible symbolism?) where he reunites with Denis Leary, a down and out former bodyguard, in tender embrace. The chilling, foreboding final words"Podus is in the hand" send theatre patrons back to their homes with a broadened perspective of the terrible plight of the peoples of the Sudan and some regions of the arctic.

All in all, Vantage Point was a fantastic experience and one that I easily and whole-heartedly recommend to anyone with a love for timely political drama.


President Skerritt delivers a rousing address to a heathen nation

Indiana Jones and OMG.

In case you haven't heard, the first trailer for Lucas/Spielberg's Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull has been unleashed on the unexpected, yet feverishly dreaming masses.

In case you have been living under a rock, or even worse, eating rocks, Indiana Jones is the ongoing serial adventure franchise that follows a charismatic professor/adventurer on his daring exploits the world round in search of mythical ancient artifacts. Indiana Jones carries a whip and wears a fedora. He also kills Nazis. If you had to read this paragraph in order to familiarize yourself the character... then shame on you.

As for the trailer itself, it proves to be a slightly awkwardly edited reintroduction to the series we all know and love. I happen to love in ways more inappropriate, but that is besides the point. This film had better be fantastic or I'll have Lucas' head on a lightsaber.

Forget that; the head on the lightsaber thing would be kind of sick, seeing as it wouldn't stay. I'll just have a Gamorrean guard break his legs. Holy hellfire, I am such a nerd.

You can see the HD trailer here.

Mom and the Carnage Monster

I took my mom to see Cloverfieldd today. I told her it was a romantic comedy.

Here's the strange thing: even after seeing the movie she still believes it is one.

Movie of the Update: Sunshine

I meant to see this in the theatre, but it's theatrical run was so short I didn't really have the chance. Now that Sunshine has finally hit DVD, I thought I'd peep the flick and let you know what I thought.

Sunshine, directed by Danny Boyle (Trainspotting, 28 Days Later) is set in the distant (or not too distant-- perhaps in-between?) future where our solar system's sun is slowly dying and the destruction of earth and it's inhabitants is eminent. Of course, this is a movie film and that means the nations of the planet and bandied together a crack team of brilliant and handsome astronauts and scientists to resolve the conundrum by flying within a reasonable distance of the star and lobbing a massive bomb into it's core, reigniting the sun and hopefully saving all of mankind. It is a completely unfeasible, ridiculous and scientifically absurd plot.

And yet, it works in a lot of ways. First of all, I'm kind of a sucker for these kinds of films-- stuff like Alien and uh, well, Alien. Even Sphere, a mostly terrible film, has it's moments. I just get a kick out these claustrophobic ensemble pieces that marry crazy science fiction with interesting characters. Sunshine delivers both. Danny Boyle did a fine job putting together an interesting cast of character actors and relatively familiar faces including Cliff Curtis, Michelle Yeoh, Cillian Murphy, Rose Byrne and Hiroyuki Sanada. Even Chris Evans of Fantastic Four fame shows up. My only real complaint regarding the cast would be that we really don't get to know any of these characters very well. There are hints and suggestions of interesting material speckled throughout (I wanted to know more about Dr. Searle) but that's about it.

A little over halfway through the movie things derail just a tad with a plot contrivance rather common to these kinds of shows, but it's not enough of a deal breaker so as to spoil the fun. Danny Boyle, whose previous directorial offering of 28 Days Later reinvented the Zombie sub-genre, doesn't revolutionize the psychological things-go-horribly-awry science fiction film, but he does contribute a solid, entertaining entry. If you are a fan of Danny Boyle, science fiction escapades, or pretty digital effects trickery, definitely check it out because when Sunshine works it shines.

I think I just made myself ill.


As much as I enjoyed Sunshine, I'm especially looking forward to it's hotly anticipated sequel: Moonshine, in which Burt Reynolds and a resurrected Scatman Crothers lead a team of expert basement brewers and distillers on an epic outer-space quest to stop the man on the moon from drinking all of their hooch. Juan Carlos Fresnadillo expected to direct.

"I'm the King!"

It's time for another Brazen Motion Picture Boosterism!

And yes, if you were wondering, there are other Brazen Motion Picture Boosterism things out there. In the wild. Where they belong.

This weeks Boosterism is for a lovely as-of-yet-not-released moving picture called In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale. It contains all sorts and brands of cinema virtue, including but not limited to:

1.) The seraphic presence of Sir Burt Reynolds, who has not yet been knighted but should have been, like, a billion years ago.
2.) A cut-rate budget most likely intentional so as to sing the merits of independent film and the daring visions of autonomous auteurs.
3.) Said auteur Uwe Boll whose German upbringing and sassy smart accent alone inspire great bundles of confidence. Give the man a gift of peduncles-- it is the very least you can do.
4.) After having purchased a ticket for this sumptuous yarn of dungeon sieging, one might also feel so inclined as to procure a vessel of popped corn. This would be for personal consumption during the siege.

These scrape but the surface of the many dozens of reasons why the good people of this earth should see In the Name of the King. Suffice it to say, it will be an exhilarating experience-- one for the keepsake books-- when it hits theaters in January.