UPDATE! For YOU!

As you are well aware, I haven't updated Night of the Blog in a while. That is because I am hard at work on something extra special for you to enjoy! What might that be? Well, it's Grandroid of course, and it will be coming right at you very, very soon. In the meantime, get your hopes up in time to be sorely disappointed when you finally see what we've been doing.

Cheers!

10,000 BC: a review for your personal exploitation

10,000 BC is a delightfully subversive indie rom-com about a drug-addled caveman and his wild quest for true love.

Scratch that. 10,000 BC is a bowl of crap.

Footnote: I loved it.


An explanation is in order. Several years ago I discovered I have a rare and difficult to cure illness-- that being the seemingly mad consumption and enjoyment of bad Hollywood movies. 10,000 BC feeds this disease with great doses of horrendous movie-making, effectively satiating my hunger for another week when the next batch of trunch hits projectors like a fury of locusts.

The movie is indeed about a caveman (played by Steven Strait, the main dude from The Covenant-- another gloriously retarded movie), only slightly more groomed than those good men of the Geico and sporting whiter teeth. After caveman's girl(Camilla Belle) is taken, he ventures out into the great unknown with Cliff Curtis to outrun massive, prehistoric dodos, make friends with at least three different African tribes and defeat an albino Marlon Brando straight out of The Island of Dr. Moreau. That not enough for you? There is also Battlecat from He-man, Xerxes' voice and a tall Deep Roy or Deep Roy's taller brother.

Do the math (by addition) and what do you get?. Magnificence. The point is, if you too suffer from secret-terrible-movie-lover-itis, you will find great delights hidden within 10,000 BC and its many mentally askew elements. It is at once a bonkers terror-show and a transcendent rush of slightly chilled arctic waters. It is both parts of the oreo, if both parts were made of octupus insides. It is non-sequiter and brilliant. It is 10,000 BC.

The Watchmen cast revealed! Nerds rejoice!

Comic connoisseurs the world over have known for years that Alan Moore's The Watchmen is one of the greatest (if not the greatest) graphic novels of our time. It's dissection of the modern superhero, clever criticism of the genre and keen (and fatalistic at times) exploration of topical social-political circumstances made it an instant classic, and one finally up for a motion picture adaptation.

The movie is being directed by Zach Snyder who most recently brought us the estrogen-charged romantic comedy 300, starring the dainty and effete Gerard Butler in the leading role. Before that, Snyder terrified Zombie lovers everywhere with a remake of Dawn of the Dead, a film I haven't seen but have heard from numerous sources to be quite charming. Zombies for tea! How delightful!

But I digress. Since the announcement of The Watchmen, nerds everywhere have been clamoring for a look at the cast in full costume, a fervent prayer Zach and crew finally answered earlier today. We'd already caught glimpses of Rorschach, the slightly unbalanced ink-blot wearing member of the group, but here we get to see the remainder of the gang, with the notable exception of Dr. Manhattan, the exceptionally powerful blue guy who spends a lot of time on mars. Trust me, it all makes sense... to a shut-in like me.

The disturbed looking chappy above is The Comedian, a pleasant fellow indeed. Head on over to the official Watchmen movie website here to check out the rest of the pictures and pick up a copy of the graphic novel to catch up on all the dysfunctional superhero goodness.

Lohan in the House

The E! Network has green lit a new bastard reality series called "Living Lohan", a fascinating new program all about Lindsay Lohan's manager mother (her name be Dina) and aspiring performer of a little sister (the one they call Ali). The series will showcase little Ali's aspirations to greatness by attending an esteemed university, er, trying to break into movies and landing record deals. "Living Lohan" will join the ranks of other E! classics like "The Simple Life" and "The Girls Next Door". The excitement is palpable.

I see this and the instinctive, guttural reaction is to shake my fist towards the heavens and ask "why?", but before I am allowed my humble moment of self-superiority, that all-to-familiar sensation of sinking defeat sets in and instead I bury my face in my hands and cry softly.

When is Hollywood, and the general public for that matter, going to cease the shameless exploitation of drug-abusing, mentally unstable, affection-starved young women? I already know that answer and it is never. We are nothing more than sad, sickly and deprived ingrates when we stand by and watch as the pathetic are mined for entertainment's sake. Let us one day grow up and leave that world alone. Or at least turn off the E!.

Upon consideration of my words I realize that I myself am perhaps perpetuating this madness by giving it even the slightest significance and coverage. Some luck I'm already sobbing because of great shame!


Don't worry, Ms. Lohan; some day your prince will come.

Food Thoughts #1

To all that give the slightest damn about their goodly bodies: please, for the love of all that is kind and generous, never eat at an all-you-can-shove-into-your-face-hole buffet in Mesquite, Nevada. You will rue the day.

These are the kind of delights you find in hell.

DVD Recommendations 3/3/08

Hey there, loyal readers (haha!), it is time for another DVD recommendation (haven't there been so many already?).

This week's recommendation comes courtesy of Warner Premiere: it's the DC Universe animated original movie, Justice League: The New Frontier, based on the Darwyn Cooke graphic novel of the same name (well, similar name; the book was called DC: The New Frontier).

I read the Cooke book (I just got far too much pleasure out of that rhyme than I really should have) a few years ago and it has been one of my very favorites ever since. Not only is the art style right up my alley with it's retro, art deco feeling, but the storytelling really shines with an alternate history retelling of the time period closely following the Korean war.

Just like the graphic novel, The New Frontier focuses mostly on Justice League members Green Lantern and the Martian Manhunter (who happens to be one of my favorite DC Universe characters). Problems arise, however, when the animated film begins to feel a little loose and disjointed-- hardly allowing enough time for each of the characters, especially some of the lesser ones, to really stand out. The movie also fails in many respects to fully explore much of the social-economic and geo-political strife at the time, instead opting to only briefly reference these disturbances in passing. It may have worked better in the comic, where I could dwell on each frame, giving them all the time I needed to reflect on their significance, whereas in the DVD things felt rushed in order to compliment the seventy-five minute running time.

Things I did like: Jeremy Sisto as Batman. His confrontation of J'onn J'onzz is incredibly cool.

That being said, Justice League: The New Frontier is an enjoyable picture, especially for fans of the characters and Darwyn Cooke's work. Despite being somewhat disappointed, I will agree with others that there are still moments of brilliance in The New Frontier and I recommend it to comic book lovers everywhere.